When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
