Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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