I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
