sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
