I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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