I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As shirtless as possible
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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