Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
