I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
