On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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