these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
