Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I will die if light touches me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize