I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
