I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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