I got chris browned last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
