My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
