I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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