the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
