Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
