I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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