Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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