his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
