After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
