she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize