At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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