At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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