Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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