When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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