Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
