Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have post one night stand depression
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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