Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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