Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Duck Duck Cougar?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
