i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
