woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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