she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
