So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
