ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
