just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
