God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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