I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
