Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
