apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
