Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
