I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
