I got her a Nickelback box set.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
