Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a search helicopter?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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