Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
