never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
