i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
