How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
