It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
