GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
