new low.... made out with someone while peeing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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