she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
