I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So much Jack, so little girl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
