I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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