So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
