Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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