He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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