Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
