Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize