My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
