Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
