Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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