Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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