Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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