Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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