hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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