My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
