you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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