i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
