I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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