If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
