You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
