Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
