what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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